I thought I’d share some optimism for my latest blog! We’ve had plenty to worry about in recent months, and so I thought it might be time to celebrate some success.
I remember when I was a kid and was lucky enough to go to Orlando for the first time. I loved the whole experience, but one thing that stayed with me to this day is a quote from Walt Disney which read “If you can dream it, you can do it”. My dreams are perhaps not as grand as Walt’s were, but even he started with just a mouse!
I’m writing this having just completed a week working with a client on one of the leadership programmes I facilitate with Starfish, and if I’ve ever experienced a week that highlighted to me the importance of following your dreams, this was it! I can’t remember the last time work felt so rewarding, and after all these years of dreaming it I’m actually doing it! It was a life affirming week, and really reinforced some of the tough decisions I’ve made to get me here.
It also made me reflect. For a long time I’d grafted to land the best paid job I could get to make life easier, and yet I knew it wasn’t making me happy. Most of us know we want to get the balance right, but there are still bills to pay, and when they’re paid we want a better quality of life. It’s hard to walk away from a pay cheque particularly given the range of challenges and uncertainty at any time, and even more so considering the more recent additional pressures from Covid.
So, what’s this blog all about? It’s about following your dreams, your visions and your goals, but also about how you can develop and understand your dream and find your way there. A quote taken from the Harvard Business Review states “The journey to authentic leadership begins with understanding the story of your life. Your life story provides the context for your experiences, and through it, you can find the inspiration to make an impact in the world.”
We’re all on different journeys, but after finally starting to realise my dream I wanted to reflect on some of the things that helped me get there in the hope that it might help you find your way to yours, whatever it may be.
When I’ve talked about my passion for working for myself doing something I truly believe in, my wife (Claire) sometimes reminds me that I’m lucky that I’m clear about what I want to do, and to some extent she’s right.
My first blog was titled “Time to Change?” (https://www.antony-allen.com/post/time-for-change) and discussed why I had decided to move away from full time employment and follow my dream to work for myself, and (while being very supportive throughout) when I talked about my vision with Claire she reminded me that not everyone would be so sure about what they really wanted to do. She’s right again of course, but when I look back to when I first set out on my journey, I actually just had a vague direction in mind and not a clear destination. It took years to get to this point.
Initially I took options at school, college and University that I thought would be “useful” and would help me set up my own business. With hindsight I should have chosen subjects that I enjoyed, as I know now that I would have got a lot more out of it. It was the same with my first job where I took a step into working life as an IT technician to help me understand what it would be like to be on the shop floor, but although I was helping people I wasn’t really doing it in a way that ignited any passion.
Of course, at that point it was more about earning money than following a dream, and actually I did pretty well and progressed through the ranks. It enabled me to get a house and learn some new skills but was still very much about putting food on the table more than doing something I was passionate about.
This isn’t uncommon, we all have to start somewhere, and you will all have your own stories as you set out and found your way but it’s worth understanding it. The decisions you made and the experiences you had will all have a bearing on your goals, visions and dreams. In my case I was still sure that I wanted to work for myself one day, but I didn’t know what I would be doing. I just didn’t want to burn myself out earning money for someone else and feel like I was only living for the weekends and holidays!
However, what was happening during this time was all helping me to become more clear about the path I wanted to take. The experience I was gaining was helping me to work out my strengths and weaknesses, my values and beliefs, as well as discovering what I enjoyed and didn’t enjoy doing. This self-awareness was helping me to hone in on my passion for working with others, and I started to shape my career through training and taking on roles which would support me becoming a leader.
Dotlich and Ramachandran believe this self-awareness and our stories are essential for discovering your vision or purpose, saying:
“Leaders need to look at their identity and story as a leader and consider what really matters most to them.”
“Purpose is about the heart and embodies commitment, genuine feeling and passion.”
“It cannot be taught but must be discovered.”
Testing and Timing
The next stages of my career were some of the most rewarding and also the most frustrating. I took on management roles which reinforced the general direction I was heading as I loved working with and developing teams and people. I realised that I got far more satisfaction and enjoyment from helping others to develop their careers than I did from my own progression, though the two were directly linked.
I was lucky to work for a company who really invested in their people and found myself on a programme called “Connect” which was actually run by Starfish! The course really focused on development of upcoming talent, connecting us together and helping us to discover our own goals and visions while providing us with a support network to help us on the way. It was a version of the Leadership Challenge programme I’ve just helped to run, but it really helped give some more clarity about what I wanted to do. I was on the course thinking about how I could implement my more immediate actions and vision back at work, but the seed was sown about doing this for a living and I started to pursue it.
Again I was lucky that Starfish supported me, and although it meant using annual leave from my company to go and train and work with Starfish it was a fantastic opportunity to gain some real experience as a tutor and facilitator and I loved it. I shadowed some programmes, attended tutor training, and then helped to facilitate programmes alongside my dad and other Starfish associates.
However, I also got some honest if not so great feedback that I needed more war stories, and although I denied it and was pretty angry about it, they were probably right. I definitely wasn’t confident about being there and brought a lot of my own issues into the room. I didn’t think I was old enough, I felt like a bit of an imposter even though I knew my stuff, and when I think about it I was almost seeking permission and approval from those in the room to even be there. I wasn’t comfortable that I had enough experience to be able to support the senior people in the room in particular, and I felt like everyone was looking at me at the front of the room thinking “Who the hell is this kid to be telling us how to lead? What does he know?”. In truth some of them probably were, while the others were much more focused on their own issues and needs and were glad of the support, but I couldn’t see that at the time.
The dream was there, but the reality was that the timing wasn’t right. The thing with dreams and visions is that you might have developed a good grasp about the destination, but the route that gets you there might have a few bumps and diversions along the way. Mine was visible but I was stuck in traffic and it was going to take me longer to get there than I wanted, but that’s also when I realised I needed to enjoy the journey and learn from it if I really wanted to ever get there.
The good news was that I had tested my vision and knew it was what I wanted, so I reluctantly put it down and took a detour that lasted much longer than initially planned, but in the end meant I arrived there much more ready to appreciate it and much better equipped to make the dream a reality.
Vision and Action
When I first realised that my dream wasn't just want to work for myself but that it was also to help others to develop and reach their own dreams, I had a vision but no real clarity on what that meant.
Joel A. Barker famously states that “Vision without action is merely a dream; Action without vision just passes the time; Vision with action can change the world”.
I had my dream, but it really was just a dream as I hadn’t really thought through how to get there. If I’m honest I was rushing it and hadn’t got a clear set of actions that would help it to become a reality. Working with Starfish and some honest feedback helped me to realise I needed some more training and more experience of managing and leading people. Even more importantly I needed to work on myself and conquer some of the self-doubts and confidence issues that made me feel like I didn’t really deserve to be there. This wasn’t really anything to do with age, although experience definitely helps, and more about my own issues which I’ve continued to work on ever since.
Part of my action plan to make my dream a reality was to put it down for a while. Goals and visions are good but can become too daunting and demotivate us if we don’t know how to get there. I was so focused on fulfilling my dream I wasn’t learning or enjoying the journey, so I wasn’t really moving forward. My dream seemed a million miles away and I was becoming bitter that I wasn’t there yet, so I worked on this and realised I needed some time in the trenches to get me there.
The danger with putting it down was that I lost sight of it and was drifting toward just passing the time! If you want to live your dream you have to pick it up again at some point, or better still keep sight of it even if it’s in the distance as it will help reinforce your actions and direction. As with a lot of change, it took a shift to remind me of what all the hard work had been for, and that work wasn’t just about the pay cheque but was supposed to be leading towards something I really wanted.
Remembering it was one thing, being prepared to make the change was another. It’s all too easy to tell yourself that a dream is just a dream and will never really happen, and it definitely won’t happen if you don’t keep sight of it or take action. In my case I had worked on myself and was very aware of my values, so when these were no longer in line with the direction my company was heading it was the reminder and shift I needed to finally make the change.
Support
I can’t stress enough how important it is to make sure you have good support around you. I’ve written another blog all about this (https://www.antony-allen.com/post/who-s-supporting-you), but when it comes to following your dream it’s essential. It’s easy to be passionate when things are going well and everything is falling into place, but I wouldn’t be writing this blog having just had the best week of my career to date without support from so many people. I’m also sure it won’t always be quite so rosy and I’ll need their support again!
I’ve had challenge, encouragement, investment, time and a good few kicks up the arse along the way, as well as plenty of arms around the shoulder (which generally get a lot better response from me than the arse kicking!).
In the end my wife was the one who really pushed me to go for it, and I will always be so grateful to her for not just encouraging me to take the first step but also supporting me when it felt so tough starting out in the midst of Covid. She listened to me and supported me throughout and continues to do so.
I don’t know anyone who ever claimed to be successful or living their dreams without support. My family have been amazing and are always there when I need them. I have good friends to keep me sane and laugh with. I have a coach who helps me to work on my struggles and aspirations, and the partners and associates within Starfish have been incredibly encouraging and give their time willingly. This support system doesn’t just happen and it needs work, but I couldn’t have started to realise my dream without them all.
Living Your Dream
Apparently a blog is supposed to ask questions of the readers so that they can look at themselves and see what it means for them. Hopefully by explaining some of my own story it will still help you to do this, but if I was to summarise the main learning from my own experience it would be:
Understand your own story – reflect on your beliefs and values, what motivates you, what are your biggest challenges, and discover what you are most passionate about;
Be clear about your vision or dream. Really understand what it means and make sure you find a way to keep sight of it;
Think through the actions you need to get there, and be clear about what this really means for you;
Be realistic about the actions, timescales and support you need to take to get there. If you put too much pressure on your vision or dream you might end up letting go of it, but if you’re clear, realistic and committed you can make it;
Share your vision or dream with others to gain momentum and support;
Build the support around you to challenge you and encourage you to make it a reality;
Be patient when needed, but bold when you can.
I’ll go back to that last one, as I came off the course last week tired but elated every single day. My wife said she’d never seen me so happy at work and asked me if I wish I’d done it sooner. On reflection maybe I could have done, but what I realise is that I appreciated it so much more than when I’d first started doing the work all those years ago. The first time I wasn’t living my dream because it came with too much uncertainty and I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t patient enough. I couldn’t dance in the moment and appreciate what I was doing.
This time there were no doubts, no concerns about whether I should really be there or what the people in the room thought about me. I’d worked hard on my actions to put all the pieces in place so that this time around I could really enjoy it and truly start to live my dream.
It’s a fine balance between being bold and being patient and only you will know when the right time is for you. However, if you are clear about your vision and the actions you need to get there and if you have the right support around you, the chances are that if you can dream it you really can do it.
If you’d like to find out more about how Starfish and I might be able to help you live your dream please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Thanks for reading.
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