I wonder how many of us are really conscious of the impact we have on those around us? It doesn’t matter what level you are in an organisation, whether it’s how you show up for a meeting or arrive in the office, or even whether it’s just how you turn up when going home after a day at work, but our presence can have a huge impact.
If you’re in a leadership position, how we show up is even more important. As leaders we need to model the way, but that’s not always that easy when you’ve had a sleepless night, you’ve fallen out with your other half, you’ve been stuck in traffic, the kids/pets are playing up, or you’ve got all the stresses of the world on your shoulders. However, even during these times how we show up can fundamentally affect how the rest of your day is going to go and tough though it may be sometimes, how we show up is a choice.
Why Does It Matter?
I’ve worked for a number of bosses where you could really tell how the day was going to go based on how they showed up in the morning, and I’m sure I’m not alone. We’ve all had that sense of dread when someone, particularly a leader, storms into an office and we just know it’s going to be one of those days. The brave among us might offer some support, but in my experience most people try to keep their heads down or stay out of sight for fear of poking the bear.
Alternatively, it might not be as extreme but you can still see the stress and worry on the leaders face. Their tone of voice and body language are all low, and they aren’t really engaging with anyone. What message does that send about confidence in the business or their own motivation? How can we inspire others when we’re clearly not feeling it ourselves?
I’ve worked with some really driven, intelligent managers and leaders who were very effective in many ways, but they came into the office with their heads down, not engaging with anyone, and not surprisingly people didn’t find them approachable and
didn’t really buy into the direction they were trying to set. They talked about energy, passion and collaboration in team events and communications, but that wasn’t demonstrated when they turned up each day. Despite their best intentions the teams just didn’t engage with them and often referenced how they showed up as a reason for this. Sadly, though not surprisingly, both innovation and collaboration reduced as a result.
Interestingly, that wasn’t always the same with the leaders I’ve worked for who wore their heart on their sleeves. However, the behaviours were so inconsistent that it still had an impact on the team. Some of the team were prepared to take the good with the bad because at least they knew where they stood, or thought they did. Others were constantly concerned about what sort of day it would be and would dread coming to work. The outcome of that is inevitable, and people generally don’t stick around too long. Alternatively, they keep out of sight, don’t speak up for fear of being shot down, and the company loses its greatest source of innovation and feedback. It’s time to worry when your team aren’t speaking up and have accepted how it is.
Getting It Wrong
If I’m really honest, I know there are plenty of times I’ve got it wrong too. We’re all human and it can be easy to forget the impact you can have on other people. I’ve definitely had those days when I’ve had a short fuse and things are getting to me, and I’ve had those dark days when I’ve really questioned if I was being listened to by my manager, my peers, the board, or even my team. I’ve felt demotivated and struggled not to let it show.
I've always tried to be mindful about my impact on others, and try my best to model the way and be the type of leader I want to be, but some days it's not so easy. We're human beings and have feelings, and I’m not saying don’t deal with them or don’t feel them, quite the opposite in fact. However, what I am saying is be mindful of them, and how they might impact the people looking to you for that sense of direction and optimism. We all have off days, the trick is to find ways that work for you that make them the exception rather than the rule.
I remember when I was going through my divorce only a year or so after my move to Jersey, and although it was the right decision it hit me more than I had expected and I was struggling with feelings of isolation and uncertainty, and also a distinct lack of sleep. I'd been going through this for a couple of weeks and walking into work after a long bank holiday weekend alone, and suddenly had a moment where I saw myself going into the office with my head down, mumbling a quick hello to whichever shift was working before heading to my desk and pretty much hiding behind my monitor. I suddenly noticed the team watching warily to see what sort of mood I was in that day, and it really shocked me.
That day I decided to have a quick chat with everyone in the office to explain I was going through a few personal issues and if I hadn't been my usual self it was no reflection on them. A few of them said they had been a bit worried, and when I thought about it they had been used to seeing me pretty upbeat most of the time. Thankfully I had caught it relatively early, but I hadn't realised how much my change in mood had already impacted the people around me.
I’m not suggesting talking to all the team will be your right answer, or even that it was the ideal answer in my situation. With hindsight it might have been uncomfortable for some, but what I noticed was a sense of relief in quite a few of the team. The other thing I did from that day was seek some support to help me deal with the underlying issues. I needed to make sure I was okay for my own emotional health and in order that I could show up for work the way I wanted to and be the leader I wanted to be.
If you never do anything about the issues and it becomes the norm that you show up downbeat or visibly stressed or angry, the mood will soon change. Thankfully in this case the impact on my team was relatively minimal, but it gave me a real awareness of my own influence and reminded from that point onwards to be conscious of my presence and how I show up.
Getting It Right
I’m pleased to say I’ve also worked with some fantastic managers and leaders who really got it right. No matter what others stresses at home or work they must have been going through at times, their body language was upbeat, their tone of voice and messaging was clear and optimistic, they smiled a lot, and they found time for people. Not surprisingly, these were the times I most enjoyed going to work! Collaboration was good, there was a good atmosphere in the office, there was often more talking and laughing, but yet productivity was still better and innovation improved.
It isn’t rocket science, but how they showed up had a knock-on effect on the teams. The leaders were approachable and so ideas flowed more freely, and mistakes weren’t hidden but were learned from. We knew what we were getting when we turned up to work, and there was a sense of optimism throughout these teams. It was genuinely a pleasure to be in the office, which reduced absenteeism and staff turnover.
They must have had all the same stresses and worries as all the other managers and leaders I’ve worked with, but they made a real effort not to let it impact the team around them in a negative way. From my own experience I know what a difference that can make.
Showing Up Today
Part of the reason I’m writing this blog is that how you show up has become even more complicated in 2020. The impact of Covid-19 is still with us, and it means how we show up doesn’t just apply to how we turn up in the office. With more use of virtual technology we might not be as visible to our teams all the time, but it means we really need to be showing up in the right way when we are with them whether that’s online or face to face. Many people need support more than ever, and their time with us could shape their day or even their overall motivation.
It’s easier said than done, and my personal experience has been that online meetings are even more draining so it gets even tougher to be mindful of our influence on others when we’re already tired. I’ve also noticed issues with technology when others on the calls have been distracted by the messages popping up, e-mail notifications, or just that they’re tuning out sometimes. I’m sure we’re all guilty of it, but I’ve had conversations with people who have questioned why their manager even bothers to be there if they’re not really interested.
It sets a tone whether we mean it to or not, and the ripple effects could be limitless but aren’t likely to be too positive if we aren't positive ourselves. It could range from others on the call thinking that it must be okay to tune out too, or worse still that their leader just isn’t interested or that there’s some bigger issue afoot, all of which might impact morale.
Away from use of virtual technology there is already a lot of discussion about the impact of going back to the physical office, with a lot of people fearing what this means and seeking balance. Unfortunately, this puts even more pressure on how we show up if we’re leading or managing teams, as people will be looking to their leaders for reassurance and support more than ever.
There aren’t easy answers for any of this, and we need to balance our own concerns and emotions while being mindful of the impact on others. Self-awareness is an asset here, and I’m not suggesting anyone puts on an act, but just asking you to notice how you show up and the impact it might have on others. Don’t change who you are, but some small adjustments might make all the difference for those around you, and ultimately for yourself. How often does the way you show up impact your own experience of that meeting or that day?
What Can You Do?
If you do a little research online there are all sorts of practices you can do which will help you show up that bit more energetically and positively, and it's important to find what works for you as an individual. Typically they include things such as ensuring you get better sleep, finding a routine, exercising more, eating better foods, drinking less alcohol, limiting use of technology and so on. For me it's a combination of some of these things, ensuring I have my balance so I'm in good shape to support others, as well as seeking support when I need it. I also try to keep sight of my vision as that is the source of motivation that keeps me going.
However, the intention of this blog was to ask the question “How do you show up?” and bring it into your awareness. Once you're aware of it, it's a lot easier to take steps to address it. If you find that morale is down at work, is how you’re showing up having an impact? It’s over-simplifying to say this will be the only thing, but it might well be a factor.
The way others have shown up both in and out of work have had a real impact on me, and has definitely made my own presence something I’m very conscious of. I want the way I show up to be positive for others, and hopefully as a result I get it right more than I get it wrong. I don’t claim to be anywhere near perfect, but what I do know is having that awareness has definitely helped me.
If you do find you’re struggling to show up in a positive way, please take a look at some of the techniques online which might help, or reach out for support, or both. However, also try to keep it in mind and consider your impact on others. I know what a difference it makes when you work in a team where people turn up in a positive way, and the energy it creates can be infectious.
If you’d like to find out more about how I might be able to help you or your business, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Thanks for reading.
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