Relationships and Trust

Following a busy period for Starfish Partners, I’ve been taking some time to review the feedback from our programmes and reflect on what we’re doing well and where we can improve. 

One of the clear themes has been the value the attendees placed on the relationships and trust that we manage to build in such a short time, whether face to face or virtually. In fact, during a learning review a delegate once told us that he’d built stronger relationships with people on the programme in 2 days than he had with his team in the previous 2 years!

Given that a huge part of our working lives involves building relationships, I wondered why people felt that being able to do so quickly was such a surprise? Surely we have to invest in getting to know the people around us to get the most from our teams and ensure we have good support for ourselves? However, in an increasingly busy and complex working environment this is becoming more difficult, particularly with less face to face interaction and fewer coffee machine conversations.

On our programmes we build trust early and really get to know the person beyond the surface level. As trainers we model the way, telling personal stories to build safety and trust for the participants, and this helps them come with us on the journey. One delegate recently said to me “I have been on lots of training, but I have never felt this environment you have created where everyone is able to share the things that really matter because the trainers share so personally and feel part of the experience. It really makes a difference.”

So, what stops us doing this at work? I remember taking on my first line management role and in the first couple of weeks I started behaving differently, thinking I had to be someone different if I was going to lead a team. I was much more serious, didn’t reveal much about myself to my new team while expecting them to open up to me, and shared information selectively.  Thankfully someone in my team who I knew well spotted this and took me to one side to ask me what I was doing! He reminded me that I was given the role because of who I was and what I could offer, not because they wanted me to be someone different.

I suspect that many of us believe we have to be a different person to be a leader, but I know when I’ve been at my best I’ve been true to myself. That meant being prepared to be vulnerable, sharing openly, modelling the way and setting the tone so that others would hopefully come with me on the journey. By talking about my vision, my hopes, my worries, and generally being human, it made me more approachable. It created more trust and openness, and in those environments we did great work.

 It takes two to create a deeper level of relationship. Normally it needs someone to be prepared to take a risk to open up first, but you can get there quickly if you’re both prepared to go there. As the feedback from our programmes tells us, it makes a huge difference.

(Article originally posted by Antony Allen on the Starfish Partners LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/company/starfish-partners-development/)