Our beliefs and drivers are based on years and years of experiences. We all have different learning styles and different preferences, and there is a huge range of material to help us understand anything from our personality type to what sort of team player we are. However, what are the learned or underlying beliefs we hold onto that make up all of these things, and how are they impacting how we behave? Are these beliefs really serving us?
Negative/Limiting Beliefs
This might not initially seem relevant to leadership, but for years I had a self-belief that I wasn’t confident. It stemmed from my personal life and being single pretty much through the majority of my teenage years, being a late bloomer and holding on to a number of self-image issues as I went through that awkward time. I created a pattern of putting myself down before anyone else could do it as though that would somehow protect me. Actually, all it really did was reinforce the negative self-belief when nobody corrected me! I knew that it was the confident lads who got the attention, but how can you just be confident?
My University years didn’t change the story I was telling myself, and nor did my early years in working life. I told myself I just wasn’t confident, and not surprisingly this wasn’t the most attractive trait for a young single man to be demonstrating! Yet I was progressing well in work, getting promotions and pay rises and receiving great review feedback from my managers and clients. If you put me on a squash court I would fancy myself against anyone!
Intellectually I know the message I kept telling myself wasn’t helping me, but I couldn’t put it down. However, I remember one day in the office hearing myself say something about my lack of confidence almost as though I was listening in on the conversation from afar. The reason I noticed on this occasion was because in that particular context it just wasn’t true. When it came to my intelligence, my ability to deliver at work, my ideas, or even sport, I was really confident. Yes, I was nervous around women I might be interested in dating, but I’d let this “I have no confidence” limiting belief spill over into so many other aspects my life.
Acknowledging this was step one, being able to put it down took a little longer! The stories we tell ourselves, or our learned behaviours, are deeply ingrained and often we don’t even realise. It often requires a good support network to challenge you and support you through it. However, from that day I don’t think I ever considered confidence to be an issue in work.
Being aware of what I was doing also allowed me to start to adjust the behaviours that came along with it. Sadly that didn’t ever make me the worlds greatest Romeo, but it did break the cycle of negative self-perception and messaging. It didn’t stop me sometimes reverting to type, but I found I caught myself doing it or could even stop myself if I noticed the old patterns early enough. It helped me to be happier in myself and, not surprisingly, this had a positive impact on how others then saw me.
I’ve taken a fairly personal example of one of my own negative beliefs to illustrate the point, but let’s take one from a working context. One I often hear and see demonstrated, is that you have to work harder or longer than everyone else to succeed. More and more I’ve seen people get in before the boss arrives and leave after them so they can be seen to be putting in the hours. Even out of the office, in the modern world how many people are responding to e-mails at all hours rather than risk being seen to not be available? Would your boss or colleagues really think you don’t deserve to succeed or aren’t putting in the effort, or would they applaud that you’re taking some much needed downtime so that you’re at your most productive when you’re at work? Do you even really want to work somewhere where it’s about hours rather than outputs?
One of the problems though is that there will be occasions that reinforce these beliefs, particularly when we're looking for it, and there will be bosses out there who do expect 12 hour days and instant responses to e-mails regardless of the time of day. In those circumstances it can be hard to see that just because your perception was correct this time, it doesn't make the behaviour right.
There are so many examples, but I wonder how many of these negative or limiting beliefs we all carry? Here are just a few examples I’ve seen first-hand from a work context and which might resonate with you:
You can’t say no to the boss.
If you want a job to be done properly you have to do it yourself.
They’ve got it in for me.
I won’t be listened to.
I got here by luck/I’m going to be found out.
If I keep my head down…. Don’t make waves…
It’s the old guard, they won’t listen… I’m not in the inner circle… It’s a boys club…
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies?
We’ve probably all heard the expression that if you believe you can, or believe you can’t, you’re probably right! The danger with any beliefs is that they become self-fulfilling prophecies. We also start to get messages out of context that reinforce the beliefs. There are a number of belief cycle models, but a simplified version is below.
If we have a belief it is likely to impact our actions, and therefore affects the actions of others based on how we’ve behaved, which in turn influences the results, and then reinforces the belief.
Unfortunately, we can cling on to our beliefs so strongly that we don’t even see the things that could help break the pattern. It’s easier, and perversely more comforting, to be proved right even when it’s not serving us. When I look back I now realise that there were women who were interested in me, but that didn’t fit with the negative cycle of "I have no confidence" I had created so I didn’t notice. I’m very happy in my life now, but I wonder how many potential relationships I missed out on because of the power of years and years of telling myself this story? Any one of these could have helped change my internal message. In business and as leaders, which opportunities are we missing out on because of the stories we tell ourselves?
Positive Beliefs
It can work the other way too! Someone particularly close to me has always believed that she’ll be okay financially. She believes it strongly enough that she’s taken a few decisions which others might perceive to be risky, but the gambles have paid off. This confidence gives her an amount of freedom and allows her to give her attention to being successful. There are few limitations or worries about how her decision will impact her financially, so she is decisive and spots the opportunities rather than only seeing the pitfalls.
If you Google “positive beliefs in business” you’ll see a huge range of the beliefs of truly successful entrepreneurs or businesses, and although a lot of the specific examples differ a common theme is around the mindset. Two people can experience the same situation and react in a completely different way. For example, if you are unsuccessful in a bid for new work it might reinforce a negative belief about capability, but someone who believes they’ll always create more opportunities will react completely differently, take the positive lessons, and adjust for next time.
There is a danger of course that the positive beliefs become blind optimism, so there’s always a need for a reality check, but the point is that we are much more likely to generate more beneficial outcomes with positive beliefs because of the associated optimistic attitudes and behaviours.
So, Are Your Beliefs Serving You?
The reality is that our beliefs can both help us and can hinder us, so the awareness is really important. The example of “I have to work harder to succeed” is quite probably going to pay back with some reward if you get the results to go along with it and people notice. However, did you get the reward because of the hours or because of the results, and did the two go hand in hand? If you got the promotion or the recognition purely because of your hours, can you sustain it and is that what you want to be recognised for? Is it impacting the quality of your work or of your personal life because you’re so tired and haven’t got any time to think?
If you really believe that hard work is the answer, how do you behave towards people who you perceive as not putting in the same effort? Does this show, and do people want to work with you? Ultimately your hard work might even be holding you back and impacting your relationships.
For those who believe they’ll be okay or “good things come to those who wait”, does this also impact your results as you’re too relaxed and not concentrating on the outcomes?
The good news is that these are your beliefs. They have been created by you, so once you recognise them you have the ability to change those which don’t serve you. Sometimes having the eureka moment is enough and you can put it down, while other beliefs are deeply ingrained and harder to shift, especially since any experience that reinforces them might bring them back to the surface. However, once you recognise the stories you’re telling yourself you’re on your way to being able to manage them if you need or want to. If they’re no longer serving you and you’re prepared to take them on, you genuinely have the chance to change, though getting some support can really help.
As a final thought, when trying to decide whether to let go of a story you tell yourself, let’s consider the options:
You want to progress or get the results you want (whatever they may be).
You hold on to your belief.
If you can only choose one of the options, which one will you choose?
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